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CHAPTER 55
Raw truth—Could you stop seeing me? —I ask, it's not that I show my nakedness with the bathrobe, anyway his intense eye makes me nervous.—If you show up like that, don't demand that I look away. —justifies so daring.—I forgot my clothes, that's all. —I let the air out loudly."Let's get this over with," I hear him say, only later do I realize that he came to me, then as I rummage through my things he takes my arm without a vestige of delicacy.I want to complain, but Silvain has already dared to untie the bathrobe, revealing my secret; No matter how much I struggled, he is stronger than me and nothing covers my nakedness anymore. Ashamed and completely overwhelmed by his audacity, I fell to the ground, covering my face and crying. It is degrading, an unacceptable act on their part.—You're an idiot.—How long would you keep it hidden from me?! The discomfort, the clothes, your bipolar behavior, do you think I'm an idiot?—Stop yelling at me! —I exclaim loudly, still in the breakup
CHAPTER 56
It's Saturday, the first morning in Rome, waking up in the eternal city should be nice, something special, however I continue to be fooled by the harshness of his speech, it has come to hurt like a kind of poisonous expletives. I sit on the couch and study the suite, I see no sign of him. Then I understand that he is on the balcony having breakfast; Like other days, today I do not want to see him, to hold his eyes in mine continuing with the rejection that is tacit in the deep blue sky, it is a lot of cruelty that I cannot bear.Being so weak and fragile is a curse, now that I am pregnant the revolution is austere, the control of my emotions has never been so derailed and intense. Assiduous sadness stabs me with incomprehensible rage. Then depression attacks, a strong weapon that kills if it worsens.I take a shower and get clean. Without putting anything in my stomach, I take the tablet, review some things. We will go to see some land, we also have the invitation to eat with that Fab
CHAPTER 57
FragmentsI have tried to remove marks from the skin, undo knots in my chest and throat, unraveling is never final. I link myself again between broken questions and doubts. I gave him my heart and he returned it to me broken in many places, it is no longer of any use to me, I only have a terrible emptiness left that based on invented hopes I cannot fly. I have the feeling of loss in my soul, the opposite idea in my head screaming that I can get ahead without that daffodil by my side.The only force there is lives inside me, a piccolo that becomes the most important thing, the primordial part of a beginning.I have cried so much that I feel dry, a desert after the gloomy flood. I'm in bed, in the fetal position, counting the seconds, and I lost the count. Rejection is expensive, to love and not be reciprocated, to want and in return receive the worst. Idiot that I am for allowing the birth of a feeling dedicated to him. There remains a disorder that releases me into the void, I don't w
CHAPTER 58
Damn NarcissistAbout two hours later, I'm already putting on the dress, I need help with the zipper, I didn't think about that, now I'm forced to go out and ask Silvain. I deflate my cheeks, whitening my eyes, I don't want to tell him, he's an idiot. I struggle doing it myself, I can't upload it, it's useless, damn.I fill my lungs with oxygen, before leaving he is putting on perfume, with his back turned, when he turns to me I guarantee that he is ready. He looks dapper from head to toe, in a tailored gray satin suit, and his brown hair is subdued to the perfection of elegance. For my part, I'm still barefoot and I need to zip up my pale pink dress.I close my mouth suddenly, seeing his egocentric smile."I need help, w-with the dress," he breathed out.He approaches me, makes me turn around. I swallow hard, his hot touch continues to melt my pores, turning me into a tremulous mass in a snap.He zips up and doesn't move away when he's done, it's still there, what he does next so sud
CHAPTER 59
The Charm of ItalianThe enormous house, I correct, a visible mansion that evokes another era, instantly makes you fall in love. I can't stop boasting in my mind that façade that preserves the classic tone, it takes me back to yesteryear, among the most notable materials is stone. A fountain adorns the front. Silvain parks the car next to a red Ferrari. He unlocks the door and I can get out, I wait on the cobblestone. He approaches me with a hand out, I roll my eyes and reject him.He makes a dismissive gesture before heading towards the entrance, I follow behind him, wanting to run away from all that. Once I reach him he looks at me out of the corner of his eye, I snort.—Erase that bitterness, Viscardi. I don't want Rosellini to get a bad impression of my assistant. —he orders, gritting his teeth in disgust.We are greeted by a middle-aged woman, addressing us both in a hospitable but formal manner above all.—Benvenuto, il Signore ti sta già aspettando, please come in. (Welcome, th
CHAPTER 60
—No, it's not that, it's that I fill up quickly, in reality everything is delicious.—You barely ate, love. —he intercedes, caressing my cheek, him pretending affection and I controlling the hatred in my eyes.—Don't worry so much, stop being so protective. —I smile at him."You know I worry a lot about you, darling," he declares, putting on this whole show, trying to leave an excellent image of a man who has settled down, who loves a woman, to look good to the Italian. You feel good?—Yes, I'm perfect. —I move my hand away from its touch on the table.Later they delve into business, talk about various lands, constructions and projects. I try to bring the thread to the conversation, but I get lost in the pensive tide, the unchecked flood that is already snatching away my center. The reasons why Silvain has been acting so strange tonight is linked to his personal interest, and I dare to swear that there was jealousy at the beginning, annoyance at seeing that Rosellini took out the manl
CHAPTER 61
His DarknessI have the feeling that I will spend the day alone in the room. I feel it; When I woke up, Silvain was gone. He hasn't returned yet and it's almost noon, unlike yesterday I have the freedom to go out, but I'm not sure about walking around Rome without company. However, I get ready, put on my clothes and pick up the phone before going through the eternal city and breathing in that Roman air.The streets are full of pedestrians; normal influx in a country so frequented by tourists from all over the world. The beauty of the capital surrounds me on the walk, I manage to disconnect from reality, from that toxic loop of events that awaken states of anger and sadness.I take some photos of the tour and send them to Mila. I smile when I read her response, she claims that they are too beautiful and admits to wanting to be with me, to which I respond with a heart emoji. Then come the questions.Mila: Are you with Silvain?Me: No, I went out alone.Mila: Where is that idiot?Me: It'
CHAPTER 62
Heartbreak + Disillusionment: Emotional chaos—You happen to be a loser. You are defeated, you do not allow yourself to see life through other eyes. I have no idea what happened in your life, but what marked you should not defeat you. Not everything is lost...He denies, one of those sneaky smiles, in disagreement.—You said them. You have no idea about anything, I would appreciate it if you would stop with your stupid talk.—I say nothing absurd, Silvain. You're afraid of failing, of not being enough, that's what you're afraid of, of screwing up, which you do left and right. Get it into your head that you are just another mortal, full of imperfections like everyone else; You make an effort to pretend something, and your mistakes become more noticeable. Furthermore, you are distrustful, you do not allow anyone to know about your life. How much I dig into your life, that doesn't matter, I don't get anything, only tremendous unknowns. The truth is, I don't know how you've kept Gaspard i