Lillie

Getting my courage up and getting out at once is what I should do. I've been in the bathroom for almost an hour or so, or that's what I saw on my watch. He told me to take a shower to feel more comfortable and relaxed, but neither that nor anything else calms my nerves.

I'm a coward.

I was supposed to have already decided to give myself to him, but I'm still so afraid. It's because of many things, not only because of the fact that I will lose my virginity, but also because I will give myself for the first time to a man, something that means much more to me. Not only that, but also what I'm starting to feel for him.

I always waited for the right man, the one who might become my husband, if it ever happened, but that idea evaporated little by little when I saw the situation my sister lived with her ex-boyfriend. That made me fearful and distrustful of men. For that reason, I mostly stay away from them. I could never have a relationship with anyone. However, now I feel it is diffe