— Luiza, where did you get yourself, creature? Hell!

— I'm already here, missus, I'm going to take you to the garden, it's a beautiful morning

— Stop talking and do your job right away, woman!

— Okay, let's go

From my departure from the hinterland to the present moment, nothing would have been more painful than living that moment of intense poverty, I felt like I was literally thrown into an open sewage ditch. Before, I was not able to understand the suffering of those people, even though they came from humble origins, or how much they paid a high price to survive on the streets Sometimes we complain with a full belly while outside, many die of hunger, cold, contaminated by various diseases without a cure and forgotten by society that, despite living around, pretend not to notice the existence of these poor devils. For the more, wealthy.

They are only shadows unnoticed by their proud eyes dominated by pride, as they consider themselves superior to the underprivileged. And we cannot deny that this is a huge truth, but in the end, we are all the same under the skin. If there is a social inversion and the rich fall into disgrace, losing everything they have, inevitably becoming miserable and those who used to live in the gutter rise in status, assuming an important position, the situation of the former millionaire would not be the same to which the old wretch lived?

Of course, it is exactly this inversion of factors that can make us see how much we are equal as people, as human beings. Unfortunately, most of the time it is necessary to go down very low in the sewers of life to understand that social differences exist because we ourselves make them become real from the moment we decide to look at others with contempt.

Look at the current situation I was in: Days ago, I was living in a mansion and sleeping on a soft mattress, under silk sheets. Hours later I found myself sitting on a bench in any square in the city, not knowing where I would lay my head to sleep, or what I would eat for dinner that night and the rest that would come from there. I spent the whole night awake, I could not sleep in those conditions, however my new friends each took a corner and went out.

Everything goes as usual, Solange told me, one of the beggars I became friends with as soon as I moved out into the open. A week had passed since I lost everything and my balance was just a backpack and a few pieces of clothing in addition to the one I wore. I left everything I bought with the money from the drugs I sold to raise capital at the mansion. And to form an army that would help me to destroy Isabel, because the woman had grown too much in power.

 However, I broke my face when I was betrayed by those I chose as partners. Paulo chickened out and left when he was faced with danger and Luís sold his soul to the devil at the first opportunity to get along. Now that he had passed on every last penny to drug suppliers so as not to end up in the ditch with his mouth full of ants. As it was customary to happen to those who got into the beast and decided to outmaneuver them.

 I should start preparing myself to know how to live with the unexpected, just as it happened with so many others who like me lost everything they had. In the mornings they woke up very early and went out for their daily routine. That it was begging for the city and Solange invited me to go along, but I refused, because I felt ashamed to act like a beggar.

 — Just reach out and they already know what you want and give you a coin! — She said when encouraging me, but I didn't feel encouraged enough to face the new challenge, and I stayed right there.

 At eleven in the morning the empty stomach started to gnaw for lack of what to eat, I remembered with water in my mouth all those fruits and treats that were in the refrigerator of the mansion where I left, I lived for a long time in abundance and ended up getting used to the stewardship. Now I had regressed and I had to get used to misery again, which in some ways was not going to be easy. My new colleagues would not return from their activities until late afternoon, when they would retire to find some corner of the square to sleep. Solange remembered me and came to bring me some change so that I could buy something and eat, because I stayed all morning sitting on the bench that existed under a hose whose fruits fell on the ground, right in front of me.

 Shyness prevented me from catching some to kill hunger, if Grandma Chica were alive she would scold me. And ask if what had happened to that skinny little girl from the backwoods, that he was a badass and had no tongue to speak whatever he wanted and put his hand in the pot to eat anything, she certainly wouldn't recognize what I became. The good life I had at Paulo house and during my stay at the mansion transformed me into a fresh proud that in a certain way was going to have to be fixed at the cost of a lot of pain and suffering.

I crossed the wide three-way avenue that cut through the city center and went to a restaurant located in the vicinity of the place, the new friend stood in the same place where we were before and still motioned to me, gesturing with both hands, trying to tell me something I didn't understand.

I entered the refrigerated environment, which hurt my bones, intending to buy something for lunch, but with that pile of coins I was stopped by the attendant who said they didn't accept change and that I was going to buy my snack at another bodega. At first, I was outraged and wanted to argue with the restaurant employee, but then it dawned on me and I realized that even though I was still well dressed it was no longer what I was in times when I was wasting power and money.

I had lost everything and my reality there was different, it was just a beggar, like many others with whom I spent the night in that square. I went back to the beggar and returned the coins to him, thanked him, but explained that they were not accepted. She, with the look of someone who died of compassion took me by the arm and we went together to a street vendor and bought some pastries and others salted with orange juice. We eat and then return. then I realized that in the new social world in which I started to live.

 Even the money I had would be rejected.  I swore to myself that one day I would still be on top again and would go back to that restaurant to pay back that bastard for the affront he made me. It would make him understand that a person should not be judged by what he looks like. But for what we are really like to be human. I was dislocated for the simple reason that I was poor by someone who was certainly a mean employee of a fine restaurant, perhaps almost as needy as I am, but would have the chance to put him in his place.

 Solange and I spent hours talking, she chose to stay with me for the rest of the day and tell me her life story, she always brought with me this karma of older people wanting to tell me about their experiences, victories and failures, she used to be a good listener.

Her life story resembled mine, she would have been a young woman with many dreams and hope before, but the treacherous and merciless fate prevented her from being happy. He found his great love and at his side sought to materialize his plans to live together, form a family and finally conquer the most perfect happiness side by side. However, they were prevented by the sinister plot of someone who wanted to see them at their worst and apart. Like me, she was immensely harmed after someone who was willing to do anything to stop her walk came along her path.

The only difference is that in her case the enemy was a passionate man who decided to win her over at any cost and for refusing to accept his proposal he was pursued by the lunatic without mercy until he fell into complete misery. Her great love was killed, her family members murdered without mercy, and she was banished altogether from high society from which she was never able to return. It was Solange who made me see how little we know.

Especially about this crowd of people who live thrown on the streets of our cities, begging for bread and serving as a show for the powerful who even with the possibility of helping them do little or nothing for that to happen. It had been two days since I lost everything and my clothes were already smelly, I needed to take a decent shower and change my clothes, but I had no idea where that would be possible. Since I had recently become a homeless person and in total abandonment in the likeness of the others with whom I came to live.

The end of the afternoon was approaching, the sun was already hiding and the darkness of another night came awakening the illumination of the artificial lights hanging on the poles scattered everywhere. The traffic on both sides of the square turned into hell and an endless noise of horns was heard. Standing, standing with a backpack strapped to my back, feeling the icy wind passing gently through the strands of my long hair.

She was perplexed to watch the whole movement with no idea what would happen minutes later. Despite empty pockets, sweaty clothes and a bad odor, with no future the slightest hope of a promising future still had a great treasure that was the beauty that I ironically inherited from my aunt shrew, because my parents were ugly to chip. Suddenly a vehicle stopped on the shoulder and started to beep, the headlights flashing insistently and as I did not approach the driver decided to come to me, believing he was doing a program.

He soon proposed that we go to spend the night together at a motel nearby. I thought about refusing, after all, I had stopped being a whore a long time ago, but doing what if I had nowhere to fall dead. Sleeping on the floor like a dog for the second time was not part of my plans.

I accepted, even ashamed to remember that I stank because of the two days without taking a decent shower. Thankfully, the guy was drunk and didn't even smell my bad odor, which I thanked the heavens. So, I wouldn't miss the opportunity to sleep comfortably. It seemed that finally the damn fate that haunted me decided to reopen the door of opportunity.

 After all. It could be that with that stranger there was a chance for a fresh start. When I got there, I took a complete shower and was ready to be possessed by the stranger, I would certainly not feel pleasure or orgasm, as I never had with the men, I had sex in my youth. I thought it was just another hour or two of made-up pretending and moaning. More than anything, I got sick, the guy looked like a horse in heat in every way because in addition to having a huge work tool that smashed me all over the inside, even so none of that orgasm.

It was still the type that didn't fall easy, it lasted longer than expected and we only stopped at the first rays of the sun. I was getting ready to go back to the streets, when he invited me and we went to have breakfast at a cafeteria nearby. There we started a conversation that lasted at least an hour, long enough to let him know about my basic needs and he offered to introduce me to a friend who would surely get me food and housing until I found another way to survive.

In the delicate situation in which I found myself, I could not deny such help and I readily accepted. The problem is that behind that gesture of goodwill there were other intentions that I could only realize later, after it is once again wound up to the neck by the chains of slavery where I thought I would never live again. We went to a certain area on the periphery where there was a big house similar to the one I lived in the past with my aunt.

Where I was subjected to all kinds of sexual abuse by the pedophiles who appeared there, I was thrilled to see the place, I seemed to be reliving every second of the horrors that I passed under the domain of the damned recruiter. As we entered the place, I soon realized that he was a whore and something said in my ear that he was going to screw me again.

 There were several half-naked women walking up and down. Many men at the tables, drinking alcohol, passionate music and colorful lights reddened the atmosphere. I was introduced to Madame and taken to a small room located at the end of a narrow corridor with mud-stained walls. Everything was reminiscent of the cells in the filthy hole where I was trapped after being sentenced as a juvenile hijacker in Isabel's place, a small space that barely fit a single bed, a cramped bathroom and an old sink with a rust-stained toilet in it.

It was the picture of the misery exposed before my eyes, I received a key from the piranha to control the room and then found myself alone, sitting on the bed staring at the yellow painted wall, lost among a thousand thoughts as if I were far from the reality that surrounded me. How would it be from then on? What surprises had God, the universe, or destiny in store for me?

How many more pains would be reserved for a woman who, since she was a girl, has only been hit by life? Something insisted on warning that something terrible was going to happen to me and that tormented my soul, my spirit stirred inside as if it perceived the presence of death nearby, the evil reached me again and the storm would repeat itself. I stayed there until the night and received a visit from Solange, the owner of the establishment, she had something serious to say to me:

— So, you are Mercedes, the beautiful young girl that my brother played and decided to help after screwing a single night in a motel?

— Yes, I am myself, I am grateful for the hospitality

— Well, my dear, that is exactly why I moved away from my duties so that we could have this conversation. Because I know that my brother did not let you know of certain details. At first I will explain to you right away that this is not a hotel or similar, where the maiden can sleep and wake up as if she were a guest without contributing anything, you must have realized as soon as you arrived at my house that the place is a whorehouse and here we make a living pleasing our customers, who are the ones who pay our expenses

— Yes, ma'am, I realized

— Great, so it becomes easier to tell you that to continue in that house the young lady will have to go to the salon willing to satisfy the clientele and generate income to guarantee the livelihood of the house. Either that or take your backpack and get out! It is a few hours before the house is full, make your decision and do as you see fit. Understood?

— Yes, I understood

Our conversation ended with a question: What would be the best decision to make in the face of such pressure? Looking back, I saw only the defeat that led me to give up everything I achieved on both sides, there was nothing and no one to serve me as an escape from the catastrophe I found myself in at the worst moment of my existence. And what about the future? Could I dream of something better after having recently reaped misfortunes as a reward for wanting to do justice to an unfortunate person who destroyed all my dreams? I said before that God seemed to hate me, the devil rejected me, and hell couldn't be my home.

 Incredible as it might seem, I was born not to belong to anyone, I was a zero on the left and disowned by everything in the universe. I know that thought is horrible and negative, but that was exactly how I felt back then. A person completely rejected, excluded and out of luck in life. I got up from there and went to Madame, I had already made up my mind. She was sitting in one of the chairs next to the wall of the large hall in which sex-hungry whores and males met, despite the poor lighting and colorful lights typical of places like that, the leech of poor women without better opportunities like me and so many others who lived there, could perceive my presence and gestured for me to approach:

— So, princess, ready to start work?

— Yes, I am ready

— Of course, I am not surprised by your decision, because in your current situation I was unable to take any further action. Well, then go around the aisle and we have a lot of customers looking for fresh meat like you. Come on, get started!

I felt like slapping the bitch and making her limp, but if I did, I would be kicked out of the whorehouse and would have to go back to the streets to live like a miserable beggar, who couldn't be repeated for me. My beauty sometimes served as a blessing in some cases and a curse in others, and I got screwed since the first performance as a cabaret slut. A rascal like a beast came to me and grabbed me like a prostitute, and it really was, but I didn't want to accept it. The rascal squeezed my ass so hard that it burned the edges, so I lost my patience and put a fucking slap on the bastard's face, then I chipped.

The bastard was full of money and a drug dealer on the hill, madame was involved in the traffic and her cabaret was a drug sales point. He did what he wanted there and did not accept rejection as an answer, he complained to the owner of the environment and she punished me by showing how things worked there. I was taken to a room in the back much smaller and tighter than the previous one, they beat me with slaps, kicks and kicks, then I was hungry and thirsty for two straight days.

Interesting how the people who crossed my path liked to beat me up, I was born with thick hides and ready to be beaten, several times I cursed my birth. When I was released and dragged by two whores to my nook full of cockroaches and spider webs, I remained thrown on the stinking mattress, all sore from the punches carried by the whole body. Surely, she would not be asked to spread her legs to the males while her face was swollen.

That nothing, as usual, things always happen the opposite of what I imagine and twenty-four hours after I was beaten to death I was summoned to appear in the hall. This time it was not to please customers, but to hear an ultimatum from the old woman with the broken tripe, the Selena, owner of the whorehouse. Smoking that disgusting pipe and polluting the air with smoke of raw smoke, she let me know what it was about:

— Well, well, well ... So, I'm dealing with a ferocious, bitchy cat with long nails? Males like this one who decided to slap like this kind of bitch! I think that's why he sent you to go fuck him on the hill, now understand the men, don't you think? The more they kick women, the more they get stuck in them! If I had touched that while I was young, I would have slapped that shit day and night. I would do that until I found one that was full of money and saw the bastard crawling at my feet ... Bitch, go over there with the niggers and try to make this shit right. Do, it the way the male says or else he will take lead in that pretty face, understand?

There were two brutes standing next to her and after saying those words she ordered them to take me, the son of a mare came out pulling me by the arm with the greatest brutality as if I were some bitch and we went in the direction of Morro do Urubu. What made me very concerned by the fact that it was one of the drug points controlled by the criminal faction led by Luís, I feared that we might suddenly be reunited and I didn't want him to see me in those conditions. Surviving like a rascal. Grandma Chica once said that fate likes to play tricks on us and put us in difficult situations to see how we are going to get out of trouble, it's her crazy way of making us mature, getting ready to know how to survive in this world full of obstacles.

— Here it is, boss, the bitch you sent for

— Perfect, get out of here, I'll have an idea with this naughty! Now it's us, you whore — he said, slapping me in the face that made see stars

 — let's see if he will have the courage to reject me, as he did in the brothel!

 — Are you thinking you're going to make me beg, you coward? Well know that your brand’s male, don’t scare me!

 — Look, the bitch is brave. I'll teach you to respect me, you bitch! — I got another slap on the foot of my ear that spread me across the floor

 — Come on, get up, we haven't finished our conversation yet, here in this shit, I'm the one who gives the orders and if you want to fuck me, you have to do it with pleasure!

 — If you want to own me, you will have to be your cool. because you will not be able to do it!

 — Very well, then it will be just as you prefer, by force!

  The bastard jumped on me and started tearing my short skirt, then the blouse, the bra, I was just wearing panties. I tried, in vain, to free myself from the clutches of the pervert, but without success. We engaged in a hand-to-hand fight that started on foot and continued on the armchair, ending on top of the tiled floor.

 Made of ceramic, in the house that was at the top of the hill. During the sudden movements we made, we knocked down and broke many things. He was quite strong, but I had a hard time before I was overcome by tiredness and finally raped by that filthy dog.

After tearing my panties and spreading my legs, right there on the floor, he penetrated my vagina with his giant and bulky member that made me feel my body tearing as if it were being invaded for the first time. The pain was almost unbearable. I gave a loud cry in the hope that someone outside would hear me and come to my aid.

 But in vain, because the place was at the highest point of the hill and even though it was different. no one would dare to go and face the men of the traffic, to challenge them would be to put the whole family and yourself in danger. The bastard used me as much as he liked and then threw that hot crap inside me like I was just a sperm deposit.

However, it was in this moment of weakness that is characteristic of men after having sex, that I took advantage. So, I did what I couldn't do a few minutes ago. Right next to the table where the scoundrel worked in traffic control, there was a gun that I saw as soon as I arrived, jumped and with it in my hands I pointed at the face of the imbecile and so on, I didn't even think twice.

  Upon hearing the boom of the shot being fired, other bandits invaded the place. Surely, they imagined it was the boss getting me a bullet after being satisfied with the forced sex. However, they came across the victim with a gun in fists, shooting at them. During the months that I was with Paulo, Ricardo's father, I learned how to use a gun. Then I improved this knowledge in the days when I commanded the traffic network on the hill.

 And was prepared to defend myself against vagabonds like those. After killing the three scoundrels, he runs into the alleys. And I spent a few minutes hiding in an abandoned shack until the rest of the residents and the crime soldiers went up to see the dead. Realizing everything is clean, I continued on the walk down the hill. I left calmly, without letting on that it was me who fired the shots that caused suspense in the place. I saw many people going from side to side scared, because they knew that a crime had occurred and that it would result in more deaths Because when a drug dealer is killed, several innocents pay the price.

I lived there for several months. I knew how things worked and I was sorry for the side effect that would occur on the population that lived at the mercy of the traffic, after what I did, but I had no choice, it was them or me.

 In a short time, I found myself far from the place where I committed my first homicide. I needed to return to Selena's whorehouse to get my belongings, but I was afraid that the bandits would catch me, as it was obvious that I would try to recover my backpack with the only two pieces of clothing that were left after I lost everything.

Damn, and now, how to survive walking around the city like that? — This time I totally chipped! — I thought. When I left the mansion after losing all my assets to the drug suppliers, in order to escape with my life, it was still possible to take a few belongings with me, but this time things were much worse.

Afraid that Selena would imprison me and hand over to the bandits, I didn't return to the whorehouse and what I had left was just the clothes on my back. In a narrow alley full of rubbish and rats running everywhere I crouched down, leaning against a wall. I put both hands on my head, thinking about what I could do to get out of that situation. In a few seconds of reflection, the idea came to me of asking Luís for help.

Perhaps there was still some feeling for me still in his heart, but how would he do that if he were on the hill and could not return there without the risk of being caught by crime soldiers and killed for murdering his boss? The way out would be to look for Paulo and humiliate me at his feet, if necessary, so that he would sympathize with my critical situation and allow me to return to his home until he found another way to take charge of my tumultuous life.

 However, I didn't know how to do that since I didn't even have a nickel to pay for a transport to Fortaleza, it was then that I remembered my friend begging from the square. She could help me get a ticket and I went looking for her. She, as usual, was in the vicinity of the square, asking for alms. Solange smiled broadly as soon as she saw me. We barely knew each other, but that elderly woman learned to like me and when we approached each other she threw herself over my body in a strong and tight embrace, showing her longing.

I soon matched the height despite its stench because of the filthy clothes I wore. I told her about my difficulties and the new confusions that I got into, she promptly was willing to help and gave me all her savings that day, a small bag full of change in one dollar, bills and some coins. I promised that one day I would return to give her everything back, who knows how to get her out of that poverty and give her the opportunity to end her days in a more dignified and fair manner.

Deep down she felt it would be possible, she was more confident in my success than I could be myself. Without wasting time, I went looking for a transport that would take me to Paulo residence, where I could get shelter and food. Then I would see if he was still willing to help me in any way to complete my journey. I knew that I could no longer count on him for my old plan to destroy that damned child recruiter. So, little with nothing to do with my revenge.

But if you give me a corner to stay until you regain your strength it would be enough. Everything I went through left me drained, without the energy to move forward with my purposes, I needed to rest and put my head in place. He would certainly extend his hand to me despite all the ingratitude with which I treated him as he was a good man and of an unmistakable character.

As the bus ran quickly down the road towards the capital, I remained with my eyes closed, sitting in a comfortable and soft armchair, trying to rest my aching body. That, monster tore me apart inside. And every footprint on my fragile body felt like a stick that shattered my bones, I was crushed and relaxing for a few hours of travel would be ideal.

From Rio de Janeiro, Fortaleza took a long time and you could get a good nap, it would restore lost energy. After some time we arrived at the destination and went without luggage to the coast in a ride that I got with that kind of caring woman that no male can handle, an old man gave me a place in the cab of his truck and I was left right in front of the house by Paulo. This time it was not necessary to have sex to pay the favor.

 Just a few empty promises and a peck on the crown's mouth and that's it, everything settled. When I arrived in front of the wide door, I was immobile without the courage to identify myself, it was a few minutes of indecision until I heard a man's voice behind me, asking for explanations about why I was standing there, as I was an unknown person:

— Good afternoon may I help?

— Ah, yes, I'm looking for Mr. Paulo, is he by any chance?

— I'm sorry, but my uncle just left, went to town. And who wants to talk to you?

— Wow, sorry, I didn't even identify myself. I'm Mercedes, his friend

— Nice to meet you, Marcos Paulo. Please come in, we can talk over a drink while my uncle returns from the city. Do you live around here? Where do you two, meet from?

— It's a long and sad story

— Well, I don't think he'll be back soon from his trip, it's a few kilometers back and forth, so I'll have a lot of time to know his story - He smiled as he spoke and ordered one of the maids to serve us a snack, because he realized that I starved to death.